I saw this list written by Dr. Nedra Tawwab on what “Self-Sabotaging Looks Like”:
Getting close to a goal and quitting
Being in relationships that are unhealthy
Not keeping your word to yourself
Setting goals with no action steps
Carrying a negative narrative (story) about yourself and your abilities
As I typed this just now (I am sitting at the local district waiting for everyone to come back from lunch so the can continue this training), I have to take a pause. And breathe. And release my anxieties. And offer my mind different (and positive) thoughts. And gently move from the usual (and negative) thoughts. And breathe again. And then repeat. As. Many. Times. As. Necessary.
I have done / continue to do all those actions. I sabotage my future self by my actions in the present moment. Being back in grad school, my old habit of procrastination rears its ugly head. I have some pages I have not read yet from last quarter.
However, the number self-sabotage action i do is the last one. My negative self-talk game is so strong that it compelled me to turn to the Stoics to train my mind to focus on the four cardinal virtues of wisdom, morality, courage, and moderation (https://donaldrobertson.name/2018/01/18/what-do-the-stoic-virtues-mean/). The Stoics use reason instead of emotion.
I want to be clear: I have a healthy sense of self. I know my strengths and weaknesses, but I also have blindspots about my identity. We all do. This is just a fact of being a human. This is the ebb and flow of our nature. However, I have operated based on my emotions, and it is tiring.
It is time for new habits and new actions. Wish me luck!
Up next: New Year, New Gratitude